Do you have problems saying "no" without feeling bad? It's not just you, in fact even a lot of naturally assertive people typically find themselves saying "yes" when they really want to say "no".
Clearly, there can be a number of scenarios where you may not have a choice in the matter, for example in the event that your manager demands that you undertake a task and its part of your job. In any event, there are several occasions where we can refuse without any facing dreadful consequences but yet we say "yes" anyway. Why do we do that?
Why Saying "No" Is So Difficult
The easy answer to why it's so challenging for most people to say "no" is due to the fact that it causes them to experience feelings of guilt. This sense of guilt often come from mistaken beliefs about saying "no", including:
- Saying "no" is impolite
- Saying "no" is self serving
- Saying "no" is upsetting
- Saying "no" will make folks dislike me
- My desires aren't as significant as someone else's needs
See that all of these attitudes are focused on making others happy and being perceived well by people. Essentially, you're rendering someone else the power to manipulate your selections rather than accepting responsibility for your selections.
How To Say No Without Feeling Guilty
If you'd like to have the ability to refuse a request without guilty feelings, then you'll have to supplant these values with more accurate ones, for example:
- Just like people possess the right to ask, you possess the right to refuse
- If you say "no", you're turning down the request instead of the person
- A lot of people are understanding enough to deal with a "no" answer
- Your needs are just as worthwhile as other's wishes
Obviously, you're not probably going to radically convert your attitudes overnight. Substituting those old attitudes with these new ones is going to take time, but the key is to carry on applying them.
A Simple 5 Step Guide For Saying "No"
Not surprisingly, even if you have the appropriate beliefs about saying "no" it may remain a challenge to voice it in case the scenario appears. Here are some valuable suggestions that will make it easier for you to decline a request without too much strife:
1. Keep it brief
In the event that you're saying "no" to people, it's wise to be straightforward about it and keep it short and simple. You don't need to provide a long rationalization to support it.
2. Be polite about it
You'll get the "no" across without difficulty by being polite about it, e.g. you can say "Thank you for asking, but..."
3. Don't say sorry or offer justifications
When you're declining a request, you don't need to apologize or offer excuses to justify yourself. You possess every right to decline without giving a justification for it.
4. Take ownership of it
Try to avoid saying "I can't" or pointing to outside circumstances for your refusal. Make it obvious that it's your choice instead.
5. Accept the ramifications
In certain situations, someone you are denying to end up being momentarily unhappy with you but you've got to take that. It's much better than harming the relationship with animosity down the road.
All things considered, learning how to refuse a request without feeling guilt can be testing. Implementing these principles of saying "no" can make the process easier, but if everything else fails I would strongly recommend enlisting yourself in an official assertiveness training study course.
Clearly, there can be a number of scenarios where you may not have a choice in the matter, for example in the event that your manager demands that you undertake a task and its part of your job. In any event, there are several occasions where we can refuse without any facing dreadful consequences but yet we say "yes" anyway. Why do we do that?
Why Saying "No" Is So Difficult
The easy answer to why it's so challenging for most people to say "no" is due to the fact that it causes them to experience feelings of guilt. This sense of guilt often come from mistaken beliefs about saying "no", including:
- Saying "no" is impolite
- Saying "no" is self serving
- Saying "no" is upsetting
- Saying "no" will make folks dislike me
- My desires aren't as significant as someone else's needs
See that all of these attitudes are focused on making others happy and being perceived well by people. Essentially, you're rendering someone else the power to manipulate your selections rather than accepting responsibility for your selections.
How To Say No Without Feeling Guilty
If you'd like to have the ability to refuse a request without guilty feelings, then you'll have to supplant these values with more accurate ones, for example:
- Just like people possess the right to ask, you possess the right to refuse
- If you say "no", you're turning down the request instead of the person
- A lot of people are understanding enough to deal with a "no" answer
- Your needs are just as worthwhile as other's wishes
Obviously, you're not probably going to radically convert your attitudes overnight. Substituting those old attitudes with these new ones is going to take time, but the key is to carry on applying them.
A Simple 5 Step Guide For Saying "No"
Not surprisingly, even if you have the appropriate beliefs about saying "no" it may remain a challenge to voice it in case the scenario appears. Here are some valuable suggestions that will make it easier for you to decline a request without too much strife:
1. Keep it brief
In the event that you're saying "no" to people, it's wise to be straightforward about it and keep it short and simple. You don't need to provide a long rationalization to support it.
2. Be polite about it
You'll get the "no" across without difficulty by being polite about it, e.g. you can say "Thank you for asking, but..."
3. Don't say sorry or offer justifications
When you're declining a request, you don't need to apologize or offer excuses to justify yourself. You possess every right to decline without giving a justification for it.
4. Take ownership of it
Try to avoid saying "I can't" or pointing to outside circumstances for your refusal. Make it obvious that it's your choice instead.
5. Accept the ramifications
In certain situations, someone you are denying to end up being momentarily unhappy with you but you've got to take that. It's much better than harming the relationship with animosity down the road.
All things considered, learning how to refuse a request without feeling guilt can be testing. Implementing these principles of saying "no" can make the process easier, but if everything else fails I would strongly recommend enlisting yourself in an official assertiveness training study course.
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